Prepare Your Bedroom for Intimacy

Welcome to the community. Where passion for life and healthy sexuality connect beautifully and easily. I'm your host Amanda Ammons and my goal in life is to help you thrive and a huge part of that is your sex life. Your one life was meant to be amazing, sex included. You most likely haven't been shown this but I'm here to tell you beautifully and intricately made. Made for more made for the best. However, your journey brought you here join me in a new conversation about one of the most amazing things ever created. Intricate, passionate intercourse. Together let's break the shame cycle. Let's learn how to please and be please. Let's fight fear, find freedom, and freaking have fun. Welcome for the passion connected show.

Alright people, today is gonna be a lot lighter topic and I am so excited to get started on it. It's gonna be a lot of fun! Thanks for hanging with me the past two episodes. I know those ones are a little bit more intense. Today we're gonna get into the fun stuff, we are gonna talk about how to make your bedroom a perfect place for intimacy!

There's a lot more to this than you might think. I had a hard time narrowing it down 'cause there's so much that could go into this. First I want to talk to you about why it's important and then we'll get into the fun tips for how to set up your space. It has huge ramifications for women especially. So why are we talking about this? Why is our bedroom important? Ladies you have to be comfortable to orgasm. So get this: it's not just like the feel good stuff if it has to do with our brains. Our sexual release is controlled by our autonomic nervous system or involuntary nervous system. So getting aroused is controlled by the passive branch of that nervous system. To get aroused we have to be relaxed, stress free, and ready for sex on a whole ‘nother level. To reach orgasm after the arousal our body switch from passive to active nervous control. We can't necessarily make ourselves have an orgasm but we sure as heck can encourage it. We can be in the right physical space, mental space, and emotional space; If everything is cleared out of the way. Because really, how arousing and orgasmic is it to see your laundry piled on the floor and your To Do List on your bedside and your phone doing notifications? No thank you. Not about that life.

So how do we set up the space that we need to live the life we want? well we're going to start off with intentionality. So I want you to picture with me your dream destination, wherever it is that you would want to visit and vacation. Where would you be sleeping? What would it be like? What would be the feeling of it? How would you climb into bed? What would be around you? What is the vibe coming off of the room? What would you choose: a really luxurious perfect room for you or this perfect place that you feel like is just made and designed for you or a messy laundry covered boring room that nobody really cares about? What would you choose? I'm pretty sure you would choose the dream location made for you right? Is that where you would want to have sex? Much more than having it in some sort of messy bedroom.

Okay, so why are we talking about this? Because you can make your space that you have right now intentional for a place that you want to have sex. So I want you to try this at some point. I don't know when you're listening to this or if you have the opportunity but when you get a chance try walking into your room with fresh eyes. Ask what do I want this room to feel like? Do I want it to be romantic? Do I want it to be sexy? Do I want it to be comfy and cozy and a safe space? Do I want to invite God into this room? I mean He's there either way but acknowledging and remembering it can have huge benefits for your relationship with sex and your relationship with him and your relationship with your spouse. So set the intention. What do you want this place to feel like and does it feel like that? If not what's in the way, what is out of place?

It can seem like a superficial topic but it's your space and a lot of people don't put intention to it. They make every other room in the house feel like they want it to feel and they leave the bedroom for last. Why? In Joanna Gaines’s home body book, she talks about how a lot of times the bedroom can kind of get the leftover furniture or have a full laundry hamper right beside the bed. Which, I have seen in so many people's lives. What does that say? It says that you think that this room is less important than the others. A quote “I love from that book is that in any room but particularly in the bedroom it's important that that space feels restful and not chaotic”. (Gaines, 2018, p. 172) It should be the one place you can count on. She talks about it from a perspective of renewing yourself each day needing a space to wake up and be refreshed and go to bed and feel like it's your space. I want to talk about it from our perspective renewing your sexuality, being intentional about having a good bed and a good mattress pad and a pillow that you like is important. Making the space easy to move around in, making it inviting is important. Do you want to climb in your bed because if not you're a whole lot less likely to have sex in that space.

On that note please don't make the room for anyone else but you do you want an emoji poop pillow on your bed, go for it. Do you want your room to feel like a hotel room, go for it. Maybe you want your room to feel like a tropical getaway filled with plants, that's more my style. Do it. Additionally make sure that whatever you do, you always keep in mind that less is more especially for your mental space. Less is always more in a room. Minimalism is good in bedrooms, especially on your bedside table. Have a clear space because nobody wants their To Do List or their dirty socks sitting right next to them when they're getting it on. A clear space means a clear mind. There's less to think about, there's less going on. You can focus on what is actually happening right then and there.

Next step that I love this one is so fun 'cause you get to kind of put together your own little special gift basket is the way I feel about it. Have stuff nearby that you're going to need and do it in a way where you're presenting it beautifully and intentionally. So have towels or your form of birth control or wet wipes or whatever you use. Get lube, all the fun stuff in a little basket or thing that can go under your bed. I'm gonna link to all my favorite things below some of my favorite products in the show notes, but I like to put them in a cute box under the bed where they're easily accessible. You don't want to have to get up that's a mood killer. Don't put them on the other side of the room where you start making out and then you're like oh wait pause. I gotta get that. On that note also set up your bathroom as well. Make sure that there are items there that are easy and accessible for you set yourself up for success. Please know I'm not saying that the bedroom is the only place you can have sex. We're just talking about it today because that's where most people do it and that's why we're focused on it.

 Alright this one's also fun, make it romantic. You're allowed to make your room feel romantic if you want. I don't know why some of our rooms are so boring. Let's add some flowers or candles or essential oils. Let's get some mood lighting AKA a lamp. In our room we have hanging lights around our window and it's so much fun to turn those on. It feels so like us and cozy and inviting and sensual.

Now before you go saying “who has money for that Amanda?” Check my list. Most of the items are honestly not that expensive. Second you probably already have most of the stuff that you need. Third less is more anyway. You don't have to buy anything now. Your sex life is worth investing in but you don't have to go out and purchase the most expensive bet to make sure it's the most comfortable thing you've ever laid in. You can get a cheap mattress pad you can set it up without having to buy anything. Just make it intentional. And don't even get me started on who has time for that, because you do. If you're listening to this episode you have time to care about you and your partner. It's whether or not you choose to make it a priority.

However you treat your room, however you set the intent, that intent will be there when you start having sex. If you set the intent that you are going to have sex in there in a comfortable inviting way you are combatting lies. You are combating lies like sex is dirty, like sex should be dark or hidden, like sex has to be done quickly. If you invite God in the bedroom, again you're fighting any shame surrounding it. Just mentally acknowledging that he's there and he's frickin pumped for you to experience this, shame is gonna leave. It has to leave. I'm saying it right now. Shame is leaving your bedroom!

OK next big one for the bedroom and setting intent. Y'all get off social media and engage with each other. I mean for crying out loud if you wanna get off, get off your phone. Surveys have showed that most Americans would rather give up sex then give up their phones. They also say that most people feel like their spouses are less likely to initiate sex because of being on their phones. Those statistics are so sad to me. We're putting our phones before our spouse and it's getting in the way of being intimate with them. If you want to be connected and make positive changes in your sex life make a game plan decide together where you're going to put your phones at the end of the night. Put it in another room and get an alarm clock. They actually still make those you know, right? Crazy! We have a Alexa in our room and she wakes up in the morning to affirmations and music and all of that sort of stuff so that's kind of fun. Sometimes she's annoying. I digress, not part of the point. Plus moving your phone out of the room for the night doesn't just help your sex life it also helps you sleep. Again, side note you can look that up later. All this is really important. It's about being intentional with the space.

Alright this next one, prepare yourselves because some of you might feel a little uncomfortable. I'm about to be super vulnerable but ain't no shame in my game. Here we go. Make space for noise! Sex can be noisy and a lot of people like it noisy. Don't change your sex life to cater to the home that you have or the space you have around you. Instead cater the space you have to what you need. If you have kids and you have people living with you there's a way to work around that. Personally whenever we get into our dream home, our room will be on the opposite side of the house from any other bedroom. If like us that isn't currently an option for you there are ways to work around it. Seal the bottom of your door with a draft stopper or seal the kids bedroom with a draft stop. You can get those on Amazon. If you have littles maybe play some rain sounds before they go to sleep or as they go to sleep. I repeat if you don't feel comfortable, able to move around, able to make noise, able to laugh, able to access what you need, you're less likely to have the kind of sex that you really dream of.

 So let's end up with some wrap up and encouragement. You are completely capable of setting up your space the way that you want. You can have it no matter where you're at with money or time or if you feel like you aren't that much of a designer. I'm certainly not! You can still do this. You can make it feel like you. You can make it feel like a space where you can get intimate with your partner easily. You can feel free and secure and romantic and all of this stuff. You can do it friends! I would love to hear how you personalize and set up the intent for your room. DM me on Instagram or join the Facebook group. Let's give each other some ideas and let's be the designers of our intimate space and our intimate life. See you next week friends.