Conversation isn't natural

Episode 2 of the Podcast was so intense!

In my heart and my intention, the podcast is for having conversations about sex. Listening back through it, I realize that it is good for having conversations in general. I cannot wait for everyone to listen to this one. 

There was time and effort put into this podcast to brainstorm, research, record, edit, publish, and all of the behind-the-scenes things that no one sees. More than that though, this episode comes out of a lot of hard trial and error. 

We are only six years into marriage, my husband and I, but we have argued more than anyone I’ve ever met. (which is explained in the podcast) We actually kind of enjoy it. Thank God we are still here together! Sometimes the difficult conversations were good... but most of the time we had no clue what we were doing.

Looking back though, I realize that our difficulty conversing was manufactured by the culture we live in. 

If you look at life's developmental stages through a psychological lens, you will see a trend. Some things are innate, inborn, our created nature. Some things are learned. And across all stages, we as humans have failed to recognize the difference between the two. 

A baby suckling at its mother's breast is innate. Unless there are issues at birth, no one has to teach that baby how to suck. It does it pretty well on its own. Amazingly well in fact. 

Yet as we grow, some kids are expected to self-regulate emotions when they have never been taught how. Teenagers are expected to navigate their hormones without guidance. Young adults are expected to know what they want in life and to go after it themselves. 

And couples are expected to understand how to converse, argue, and navigate difficult topics without any training. 

Shouldn’t they just know?

Yeah, they just figure it out?

Everyone has to learn, they are no different.

Stop. 

Stop.

Stop.

Stop expecting yourself or anyone else to automatically know how to have a healthy conversation. It is not, in fact, a natural trait to know how to converse. It is through training, learning, and witnessing, that we understand how conversations should go.

If you’re lucky, you had parents who taught you how to discuss difficult things. If you were lucky. If you were on the ball, you had a counselor or a life coach who was a few steps ahead of you and able to teach you tricks of the trade. 

But, if you are like the majority of the population, you didn’t. And that’s OK!

If you have conversations with your partner or loved ones that don’t go down so well, you are a-OK. And you should be absolutely excited! That means you get the chance to grow and learn, without expecting that is something you should already know how to do. 

Conversation is difficult. It is the meeting of two people, with intangible word to word, and intangible soul to soul. 

Thankfully you can guide that meeting. You can make it the way that you want it to be. You can meet in the middle, both individually and as a beautiful unit. You can do it with ease and flow. It is something that is learned. 

If you haven’t already, please go listen to episode two of the podcast “passion connected”. It is not everything there is to know about conversation, far from it. But it is four tips they have taken countless hours of love and devotion to learn.

If you know someone who is struggling with hard conversations they need to have, I would be so honored if you would share these tips with them. 

Let’s not continue the cycle of expecting a learned trait to just come naturally. 

Love you friends! Have an amazing week.